I'm scared to just go for it. Because something will go wrong. I won't have the right formula, the right look or I won't even be any good. Confidence? Pssh.
There's a photo of me around age 2 or 3 and I'm sitting at my kiddie table in my living room. I have a blue pen and a yellow legal pad. I hadn't really learned how to write yet, but you could tell it wanted to just pour out of me.Yet, here I am, 20 some odd years later and I am terrified. Terrified of my thoughts. Terrified I won't be able to finish a thought. All of my writing has gone unfinished minus 1 screen play and 1 short story. Both of which will never see the light of day. Ever.
What does it really take to start something? Just a little hope and faith. Lately, I've had neither.
I want to be a published writer. I used to write Journalism, blogs of course but a for realsies published writer with a book, a book tour and millions of people reading the words I wrote. The words that came out of my brain and onto a MS Word doc. Even right now the typing of the keys invigorates me. All of this pent up writing aggression. I just need to start. Just like how I did this blog. Words to paper. Baby steps. I don't need to finish a whole novel in 24 hours.
Nothing is what it seems, and nothing will be everything you've ever wanted. My one idea could spawn an entirely different story than originally planned. I just have to be prepared for that. Not necessarily prepared, just willing to go with the flow.
I also need accountability.
How many hours are in a day? I work for 8 or 9 of them and then I try to sleep for at least 6 or 7. So, in between eating, showering, commuting, playing with my cats and spending quality time with my husband where does that leave me? Oh, right. A big fat zero.
In reality they're just excuses.
In a perfect world, I would quit my job, live off of my book advance and write a best selling novel for the ages. They'd make a movie out of it and I'd live peacefully in San Diego, taking yoga and pilates, tending to my garden, cooking delicious healthy foods for my family and going on fun vacations with my husband. I'd volunteer at an animal shelter and have a healthy wardrobe and knick knack collection all vintage and used.
You heard it here first, folks.
Time to throw away the pessimism. It's getting me nowhere close to San Diego.
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| Not quite San Diego, this is actually Ireland. |
